Birthday Goals…., Maybe

Writing

Writing (Photo credit: jjpacres)

This is probably me being unrealistic, but I have set the goal of trying to get off at least three query letters on or around my birthday.  Which is in 5 days.  Okay, this is really unrealistic since I can’t even manage to write a post once a week on ETI (Escaping the Inkwell).  I’m barely managing to post on Kate’s Bookshelf!  And yet, here I am setting a goal to do something I haven’t completed in over a year.

A YEAR!  I have not even really attempted a query letter in that long and I am setting a five day goal?  What is wrong with me?

I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I’m tired of second guessing myself and putting off my writing career.  How can I even have a career if I don’t even attempt to have one?  I’ve been over analyzing my query letter, letting it drag on as I debate whether or not I have a professional enough letter.  Is any letter actually professional enough, and does it really matter?  I’m not talking just slapping some words on a sheet of paper and calling it good, but I do really think you can stress yourself into not sending anything because you think nothing is good enough.

Yes, I am guilty of not believe my letter is good enough.  And it’s not even because I was rejected first time around.  I’m not even sending off the same story this time around.   But I dilly dally and procrastinate to the point of wanting to just quit.  Oh, not quit writing, but just forget the whole career thing.  Which makes absolutely no sense because I still want to be published.

Anyone else ever have these conflicting emotions?  I don’t see how you couldn’t.  Writing is very, very personal, yet we want to share it with the whole world.  We seek validation in what we do, hoping that someone will truly appreciate our words.

While my goals might be ridiculous, I still think it necessary to have goals.  I’ve put off having them, barely writing more than just a blip here or there in my journal.  Because of that, I’m stagnating.  I’m feeling myself closed off, like a part of me is getting dusty.  Not a good feeling.  It might also explain why I feel keyed up half the time.  I’ve spent more time reading than picking up my pen.  There isn’t enough time in the day to both read and write.  I hate to sacrifice either, but one must tone down a bit if the other is to flourish.  I would rather my writing flourish than the reading.  Reading will never go away.  Those ideas are already there, but what I have in my head can disappear if I don’t get it down.

So, whether or not I complete my goal remains to be seen.  Fortunately I do have a semi decent letter written.  It needs some minor tweaking, but it’s not bad.  I’ll post if I do actual ‘post’ a letter.

Writing on

~K.L.B.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s